Last week I gave a devotion at an Upwards basketball game (so cute to watch by the way). As I was preparing to say, God put something on my heart, something I really wasn't in the mood to talk about. Joy. I have been really trying to choose joy over saddness. Last week marked two months and I guess the adrinalin of everything has worn off and the reality has set in. The "have to live everyday without my mom" has set in. I was talking to someone today and I was saying how I have to have a new idenity, and that all of my insecurities are coming back. I don't have that "if everyone in the world turns their back on me, I still have my mom" in my life anymore. That makes me feel so alone. It makes me want to give up, throw in the towel and say no more! But...I am trying to choose joy,
choose life,
choose smiling when I want to cry
choose getting up, making my bed and face the day
because I KNOW that I am loved by a God who is with me now, tomorrow and is the same the whole time. So I choose joy, to honor God by being a living testimony to Him. By shining His love, grace to others. Please pray for me. I love you all and appreciate this venue to share my heart, I hope you don't mind.
My friend Mandi had this on her blog and it really stirred me, I hope you enjoy it. My cardboard would read:
Couldn't trust God
Living in peace through His perfect will
copy and paste in your address bar: (couldn't get the link to work)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ&feature=related
6 comments:
Your link didn't work, but if it's the cardboard testimonies, I've bawled watching it a couple of times myself.
Mine would say "My mom and dad died within three months of each other, but I'm never alone"
Continue to choose glory over wastefulness. You will be blessed 70 times 7.
I love you!
It's always a choice. Sometimes the choice is harder than others, but God wants us to choose joy. And only when we follow Him and choose joy, can we truly have joy. Some days, choosing joy is merely an act of obedience, not really a feeling. But more and more, as time goes on, the feelings are real, also! Praying true joy for you as you seek God for your new identity. I completely understand. I don't want to understand, but I do. And it will come....I promise.
Oh sweet girl. I love hearing your heart...don't ever ask if it's okay to be real. Thats the best part of this blog stuff...honesty. I love what Traci wrote about sometimes its not a feeling...maybe even putting on a face, but you know that saying, "fake it 'til you make it"? It really can help just to choose to put one foot in front of the other. I feel bad even saying that because I know I haven't experienced the grief that you have. But I know that your friendship has meant the world to me and I want to be able to be there for you!
Praying for you! Loving you dearly!
I love you!! You know I'm here.
Lovely lovely sentiments Allison. I'm praying for you - the Creator of you is pleased to fill you with a joy that seems unimaginable in the light of your grief...He's so sweet...
Allison, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Choosing joy is so hard at times. I was watching Joyce Meyer on tv yesterday, and she was talking about choosing joy, and it made me think of this entry that you posted. She said that the devil doesn't want our possessions. He doesn't want our "stuff". Rather, the devil wants our joy! He wants to take away our happiness. Wow, that really hit home with me, because, although I haven't lost a loved one, I have been dealing with some other things in my life, that, when I dwell on them, it takes the joy right out of me. Choosing joy is something that I am working on, too. We can work on it together! Please know that I am praying for you through this time. We love you!
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