I thought that I had tackled everything I was supposed to regarding my mom's death...and in some ways I have, but in some ways I haven't. Especially in regarding the pregnancy. I am counting the days until I see his sweet face, hear his sweet sounds and smell is sweet smells. But, I am going to do it without my mom. Why is God allowing this to happen? I don't know now, I might not ever know, but what I do know is that I can't be strong alone. I have been at peace this past year, and have felt God's strength, but I am going to have to really hold onto his hand like never before. Because there are times where I feel like I have lost my biggest supporter, my biggest fan, the one who understands me the most and at times like that I have to fight the lonliness that overtakes me at times.
One day I was sitting in my car really feeling low when I heard this song come on the radio, and it spoke to me like never before. I have met Josh, for he married our pastor's daughter, but this really spoke to me that day in the car, and I continue to listen to it, draw from it's truths and draw from the verse:
Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you...Jer 29:11
Here are the words:
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
Have an amazing day, and continue to draw from His strength!
