I thought that I had tackled everything I was supposed to regarding my mom's death...and in some ways I have, but in some ways I haven't. Especially in regarding the pregnancy. I am counting the days until I see his sweet face, hear his sweet sounds and smell is sweet smells. But, I am going to do it without my mom. Why is God allowing this to happen? I don't know now, I might not ever know, but what I do know is that I can't be strong alone. I have been at peace this past year, and have felt God's strength, but I am going to have to really hold onto his hand like never before. Because there are times where I feel like I have lost my biggest supporter, my biggest fan, the one who understands me the most and at times like that I have to fight the lonliness that overtakes me at times.
One day I was sitting in my car really feeling low when I heard this song come on the radio, and it spoke to me like never before. I have met Josh, for he married our pastor's daughter, but this really spoke to me that day in the car, and I continue to listen to it, draw from it's truths and draw from the verse:
Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you...Jer 29:11
Here are the words:
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
Have an amazing day, and continue to draw from His strength!
3 comments:
Oh friend. I am so sorry. I wish I could have talked with you longer yesterday. There you were asking about how I was holding up. And I didn't know what all was going on in your head and heart. I am so sorry. I am sorry I didn't think about it and remember that this has to be hard and lonely. I love you and will be praying for you. Thanks for your sweet words to me yesterday. You are precious and this song could not be more true, huh? Glad He is speaking to you through it. He will continue to rescue you and as you cling to Him each time you get down, you'll be stronger for it. Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted.
Love, Molly
Beautiful song! I can only imagine the joy of pregnancy is mixed with the sadness of knowing what you are missing, really WHO you are missing. What a beautiful post. Love you!
I included this song in Mason's memorial slide show. It means so much to me. I still have my parents here on earth, but from having to live the rest of my days without my precious only son here, I know what it's like to be lonely and missing life with someone that you love and still feel like you need. I know it won't be the same welcoming this new life into the world without your Mom here to share the experience with. Think of how your Mom already knows your baby and of the special love that she must have sent along with him. Mason was like that with my grandfather and I can tell you Mason's love and joy were the most amazing things. You truly have something to look forward to!
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