In August Andrew will start at Jenks West in the K4 program. He will only be going for 2 1/2 hours, but those hours are going to be without me, in surroundings that I have no control over, and people who will be part of his everyday life..and I have no idea who they are. He has been going to our church for his school, off and on his whole life. In fact, I was teaching there when I was pregnant with him. After he was born, I finished the year (2005), took some time off and then when he was one and a half I enrolled him again (2006). This time I was working at the Grand while he went there, but I knew everyone who worked at school. Then after a year of him going and me working somewhere else, I quit the Grand and started work there full time (2007). But little did I know, I became pregnant with Miss Kaitlyn. So in April (2008) stopped working and didn't go back to work until January (2009) to keep myself busy since mom passed. So he has been going full time for three years. Not only that but he spends the majority of the week with his friends at school, because they are with him on Wednesdays and Sundays as well. Now next year I am going to have to drop him off to a teacher I don't know, with kids I have never met, nor does he know them. I don't like that at all. Ke kept asking, so will Grant be at my new school...will Hayden....or are they changing churches too? (He is having a difficult time deferring between what is school and what is church. He thinks that b/c he is going to a new school, we are going to a new church as well :)). It breaks my heart that everything that he knows and is familiar with will be taken away from him. Although I know that it is for the absolute best and he is going to have the time of his life, I know that it is going to be scary for him, and that makes me so sad...the momma bear in me wants to keep him held up in the house and play forever with him. Ya know?
I wonder as I write this if this is what God feels for us. I mean God loves me 10,000,000,000,000 more times than I love Andrew. Andrew might be afraid and not like what is going on, but I know in the long run it will be good for him and he will be alright. Just like when we don't know what is going on, and don't like what we are experiencing, God does and He knows it is for His best. That is why He wants us to be patient, to trust Him, because He is never going to lead us astray, never going to take us down the wrong path, never do anything to hurt or harm us (Jer. 29:11). Just like I would never put Andrew in harms way, why in God's ultimate love for us would He put us in harms way. Which in turn I can say without doubt that He would never put Andrew in harms way or leave or dessert Him. So even though I am not there, God is. I am so glad that God is in charge of me and my life, I would be lost without Him. You know, nothing has taught me more about my Father's love for me than becoming a parent myself. I know how we would do anything for our children, but look at what at all He does for us!
So as sad as I am about everything, I am covering Andrew with prayers, trusting my child with His heavenly Father, and looking forward to the future with a smile on my face...but I am sure with tears on my face as well!
Here are some pics of Andrew on the first days of school the past three years. Wow, doesn't time fly?
1 1/2 (Aug. 2006)
2 1/2 (Aug. 2007)
3 1/2 (Aug. 2008)
On another note, thank you for your thoughts and prayers on Mother's Day, the actual day wasn't hard because I made it about me being a mom, but the week leading up to it was hard. I missed celebrating my mom on Earth, I missed buying her a card, I missed having a mom to celebrate Mother's Day for...but through the hurt and the sadness I still stand in God's love, His grace and His blessings for my life! Last Friday was six months and I want to thank you all for everything, for reading, for commenting, for being there for me before she passed, when she passed and after she went home. I couldn't have made it through these six months without your friendship, understanding and prayers. You are truly a blessing from our Father! Love to you all!
5 comments:
First, I am so glad that its not just me that has those feelings about school and Owen being away from me and scared. Whoa, it gets me teary just thinking that it's going to happen eventually!
Second, I am so glad that I got to see you on Mother's Day and see your smile. I can see how it would be hard leading up to that day because you are used to thinking about how to make her feel special. I am so sorry Al. But I am thankful for your faith through all of this and I thank you for letting us journey through your loss with you.
Hey girl! What a sweet post...I do understand the feelings you are going through. Max will be starting Kindergarten and will be gone all day, 5 days of the week! Ahh! BUT, just like you said, I know it is best for him and that he will love it. So I am trying to focus on the positive and enjoy every stage of his life.
I LOVED how you related the feelings we have as parents to how God cares and feels for us. Of course, I know all of those things in my mind, but when you really stop and think...I need to make sure I act them too. That I trust my Heavenly Father with my sons...and that I remind myself that my God loves the boys more than I ever could.
Love you!
Allison, I am really sorry if I didn't tell you about Grace Living Center which is a part of Jenks Schools. That's where Jared and Griff both went to Pre-K and Kindergarten. It is a nursing home with a classroom right in the middle so the grandmas and the grandpas can interact with the kids. It's so much more intimate than dropping them at West campus. But if it is West Campus I know some of the pre-K teachers and Kindergarten teachers and they are wonderful. You will love West Campus and if Andrew is anything like you he will not have a problem!
Love ya,
Julie
Andrew will make so many new friends! Andrew's mom will also make many new friends! He'll learn so much and have so much fun. As Brenda told me, you can't keep them home forever.
I will see you in 10 days Woo Hoo!!
Such a sweet post. I loved when you said its the momma bear in you wanting to keep him held up in the house and play forever with him! Sav is only 16 months, and I am already wishing that :)
Isn't it crazy to think about God's love in comparison to our love for our kids. I think I could just burst, I love Savannah so much! I can't even begin to wrap my brain around that one! But love the very thought! And believe so much in that truth!
Reading your thoughts and fears seem too close to the heart - being a momma myself, I know I will feel those same thoughts and emotions when we start that journey. Know I will be praying for you and for Andrew and that he will make the adjustment okay - he will :) And I am so glad he will get to continue seeing his friends at church still :)
Love you and am thinking of you sweet girl! I thought about your momma and my sweet baby today :) They are with Him, Al! Living it up, walking on streets of gold!
Love you!
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