2010?!

Is it really 2010? Will I really be 35 this year!? That is not cool!

Well, I made it my first full year without my best friend. I did it totally with God's strength. I could not have gotten out of bed on some days without Him. But here I am, the first full year behind me and I am proud of myself. Now this isn't something I want to be excited about, because I wish with all my heart I didn't have to go through it. But at the same time I know I can trust God to take care of me, I can trust Him when everything insides me tells me not to, I can love God and worship God when the world is crashing down around me, and where I have come, that is saying a lot. There was a time I ran from God, said I could not trust Him, and now at my weakest, I trust Him now more than ever. Do I have my bad days, yes! Will I have my bad days? Yes. But I know I can get through it, I can survive, it won't consume me and this coming year I will come out praising our Savior!

This year Andrew will turn 6, Kaitlyn will turn 2 and I will have a little one sleeping in our room. What a year! What a year full of hope, love and peace.

Happy New Year to you, to your family and God bless you all!

Silver Dollar City lights

Here are some great pics of our family trip to see the lights of Silver Dollar City. It was right before the weekend that marked my mom's passing. I really wanted to get away, and do something with my family, so we went to see the lights at Branson, and stayed in my in-law's trailer. We went shopping at the outlet malls, and Branson landing. Then went to Silver Dollar City...we had a wonderful time and David and I were pleasantly suprised that they brought in the real reason for Christmas everywhere we went.

A funny story, during the light parade they have characters come up to you, and Frosty came up to us and Andrew goes, there is a song about you! It was so cute! I love the innocence of youth!

Hope you enjoy the pics!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Learning

I thought that I had tackled everything I was supposed to regarding my mom's death...and in some ways I have, but in some ways I haven't. Especially in regarding the pregnancy. I am counting the days until I see his sweet face, hear his sweet sounds and smell is sweet smells. But, I am going to do it without my mom. Why is God allowing this to happen? I don't know now, I might not ever know, but what I do know is that I can't be strong alone. I have been at peace this past year, and have felt God's strength, but I am going to have to really hold onto his hand like never before. Because there are times where I feel like I have lost my biggest supporter, my biggest fan, the one who understands me the most and at times like that I have to fight the lonliness that overtakes me at times.

One day I was sitting in my car really feeling low when I heard this song come on the radio, and it spoke to me like never before. I have met Josh, for he married our pastor's daughter, but this really spoke to me that day in the car, and I continue to listen to it, draw from it's truths and draw from the verse:

Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you...Jer 29:11

Here are the words:

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me


Have an amazing day, and continue to draw from His strength!

Camping with friends

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

We were able to get away with some friends at Mal Var in Gore, OK. We made some wonderful memories and had TONS of fun! Thanks Shonda, Clay and Quinn for being such good bunk mates!!

Hope you are all doing well...we go in Tuesday for our BIG ultrasound, pray for a success and Baby boy is doing well! I will keep you updated!!

Finally Cooperated!

Well our little one finally cooperated!! I went to the OBGYN this morning and asked for a sneak peak before our big ultrasound next week..and he said yes...so..what is it....

A BOY!!!

I am very excited. I was for sure it was a girl at the beginning, but my nauseousness went away at the same time as Andrew, so then started thinking it was a boy..and I was right. To me this will mean no fighting over clothes, or friends or two girls to get ready in the morning...so we are pleased. I am hoping that everything goes well and in two weeks when we have our detailed ultrasound the baby looks great. The more I am pregnant, the more excited I am getting...wow who would have thought we would have had three kids...oh yeah--GOD! Thanks for your prayers and keep on praying..love you all!

Wow!

Well this blog written my MckMama could not have come at a more timely in life. So I had to post it. I have not posted in a while because things have been crazy. There has been illness, tiredness, busyness, crankiness, etc. I have been literally OVERWHELMED!!! But through it all, God has been faithful and even though I feel like I let Him down, He is holding on to my hand so hard so I can't let go...even if I wanted to :)...so I because I wish I could write as well as her, here is how I feel.

On days when the squabbling, bickering, yelling and whining threaten to overwhelm me; on days when the Cheerio crumbs between my toes and the fingerprints on the windows make my head spin; on days when the incessant questions, diaper changes and maddening repetitiveness of toddler activities send me almost bonkers; on days when I haven't the energy to change out of my pajamas or clip my fingernails, much less anyone else's; on days when I want to bang my head against the wall, or better yet to run away; on days when I wonder what in tarnation we were thinking when we had (two + one on the way) children so close in age; on days when no one will leave me alone; on days like that, it is the sweet small moment in time that flutters in, the genuine little glimpse of goodness that arrives, if only fleetingly, which, like a flash in the pan, makes a bright but brief appearance and serves to gently remind me before it's gone that...

...there is a reason why I do what I do! :)

Because at the end of the day I am raising children for the Father, and they are the joy of my life and everyday do something else that makes me love them more and more. And this little one on the way...even though we still don't know where he/she is going to go, how we are going to afford him/her...this little one is going to add joy to our lives.

Thank you again for allowing me to be real, I am realizing that it is okay to be real..that no one is perfect and we are all in this together..that no one is going to think I am a horrible mom and never speak to me again (yes these are thoughts that go through my head :) ).

If you could also pray...the year markers are coming up. It has been a year since my mom was diagnosed and everything began to go downhill. My dad has a job, but is still living with us, please pray fors that transition and continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy...take care and blessings to you all!

Well...it happened

My baby started school!

Um, can I just ask when this happened? When did this baby,

become this little boy?

Not only have we started school, but we are realizing harsh realities of life, like the world doesn't revolove around him and oh my goodness, I don't always get what I want and I have to do things I don't really want to do. So many hard lessons at such a young age!

Seriously though, I am trying hard to be consistent, loving, Godly and most of all patient...who said that parenting is easy though right! I am still waiting for that owners manual to come in the mail. :)

Love to you all as we start this new adventure in life!

Oh one more thing...my baby baby is walking everywhere! She is so big, 16 months next week...time please slow down!!!!

"Blogger official"

It is so funny that when you have an announcement it is not real until it is Blogger official or Facebook official. Well, I have made my announcement on Facebook, so now I am blogging it.

Two weeks ago we found out we are EXPECTING OUR THIRD!! Yes, third! Shocked?! So were we! It took us nine months to get pregnant with each Andrew and Kaitlyn, bad math, one night later...here we are!!! I went to Reasor's to pick up some things for a camping trip we were going on and thought...it has been awhile, and I did feel sick this week, but no this is not possible, but went ahead and bought the test. I came home said hello to everyone, and took the test without saying anyone, because even though I think I always knew, it couldn't be possible..right! Wrong! I held the test until it said PREGNANT.

And I cried, not at the time happy tears, but oh my goodness what is going to happen tears! I called David in and just looked at him, he walks right by me and has to look at the test himself and goes, "No way!". He then goes through his accountant list...we need a new house, three college educations, hehe! Then he looks at me and goes, " Congrats mommy". Me, I just keep crying saying this can't be happening! Now, I know what we are going to do, welcome a new little one into this world with open arms! I am now thrilled beyond words! My dad is excited, but surprised. We both know my mom would be thrilled :).

I am overwhelmed, excited, nervous, scared, at peace, estatic, loving...and that is in just a five minute period! Seriously though, we have only known for two weeks and although this wasn't something that was in our master plan, our Master had a different Plan! And I couldn't imagine my life without this little one in me. I can completely see our family as whole with three kids, not two, it feels complete, perfect and right. I don't know how we are going to do it, what it is going to look like, but that doesn't matter God does!

I went to the Dr. last Monday and I am eight weeks along, due Feb. 24. So pray for peace, pray for a healthy precious baby to add to our wonderful family and pray that I can take care of two while I am sick with this one. ( and for my son's sake, pray for a boy because he won't even talk about the possiblilty of a girl! :) )

Couldn't wait to share this news with my blogger friends, take care and we will keep you updated!!

My Little Swimmer

I cannot tell you how proud of my little boy I am! He started out at swimming lessons crying and saying he couldn't do it and didn't want to do it. So then when I bought him goggles everything was great, as long as he didn't have to jump of the diving board, but that is exactly what they wanted to do, so he went to the end of the diving board and somone dropped him off while someone was in the pool. Guess what, that is all he talked about! So the next day, he went all by himself and was the first one to go off each day! So here are some pics of swimming lessons and then some at Grammy's pool and in our little blow up pool in our backyard.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

What a week!

TGIF never meant more to me before as it did this week! Really through it all I never thought of this as a long week, but when I looked back on it, it was a long week, but a week for God to continue to show is never-ending faithfulness.

Sunday started out great, got to go the grocery store by myself, no husband, no kids...YEAH!! I never realized how calmer and faster it is by myself! Then the next day I go to lunch and realize my check card is not where I put it...no way...could I have lost it, or was it stolen. After searching my house I did not find it, so called and cancelled it. After checking to see if any charges had been made and there were none, I was thinking this was the end...not close. That night I came home from a Bible Study and David tells me there were charges. Sunglass Palace, Chick Fil A, Quickie Mart (for 400 dollars), other Quickie Marts, O'Reilly's....you have got to be kidding me!!!!! We called BOK and found out we were not liable, thank you Lord. But SERIOUSLY! Who thinks it is ok to take a card and use it, to fix their car, at the mall, and tobacco...what gives them the right! I have been so mad, felt so used and so bitter. Especially when later in the week we found more charges!! This is hard earned money, how dare you think you can get a new pair of sunglasses with OUR HARD EARNED MONEY! I would love to have a new pair of sunglasses from there. We have to fix our car, but are we going to use someone else's card...no we are going to pay for it, what gives them the right to use mine! So this has been going through my mind, especially when on Thursday I had to file a police report in Glenpool...I have never been in a police department, filed a police report, but here I was filing one because someone stole my card. (Which by the way we figured it was snatched from my purse when I wasn't looking because I had used it to buy a drink and didn't put it back, but put it on top when I wasn't looking. When I made the report, people were in custody and being questioned from stealing credit/debit cards, so I feel like it was stolen). But then I started thinking....these people need my prayers, not my anger. I could be bitter and mad, but where is that going to get me, no where. So please pray for the people who stole my card, that God would show Himself to them, and that they get caught so they can stop doing what they are doing and turn their life around.

So there was one thing going on, the other was Andrew. Monday was Andrew's first swimming lesson, by the sounds of him you would have thought that I was putting him in a torture chamber! He would only do something if they forced him. Great! So I thought Tuesday would be better, since we talked it up, we prayed we sang songs about always having God with us, that he went underwater that there was nothing to be afraid of. No, Tuesday was no better. He wanted goggles, so he borrowed some from there, but afterwards I realized that water kept getting in them, so Tuesday I went to Walmart and bought him some goggles. Well, I was up all night Tuesday night (more on that later) and just prayed to God, please let me know I am doing the right thing, please be with Andrew, he is in your palm of your hand. I want him to enjoy this, please. Well I got to the lessons and for some reason I just have this peace that everything is going to go great! And it DID! He listened, he went under water on his own, he did great! They wanted everyone to go off the diving board and he did cry on his way, but someone dropped him in off the board and then that is all he talked about! Then today when they went off, he went off all BY HIMSELF!! God is so good! And as he was working so hard, he had this smile on his face like, I did it, it made me cry! Yeah!

Now, Kaitlyn (yes I am not done). Through all of this she has a had a runny nose I thought was from teething, well after being up all night from coughing on Tuesday night, I took her to the doctor Wednesday....ear infection...tubes! Oh glory! Seriously! This is the exact age we took Andrew, so I am not surprised, just hoping we were not going to have to go down this road with her. But we are...so I will keep you posted!

Well, that is all, except for the "have to go to the bathroom now or I am not going to make it" situation I had at the splash pad in Jenks and had to leave my kids with a really nice lady I didn't know!

I am just waiting for the locusts now!

But through it all, God has been faithful: Andrew loves his lessons and begs to go back, we don't have to pay for anything, and maybe now Miss Kaitlyn will walk and not get sick anymore. So even though I couldn't wait for today, God was there through it all and met our every need, even in bad situations! Praise God through whom all blessings flow!

Love to you all!

Our trip to Sea World San Antonio

Well we are back from our trip and we survived. It was more than we could have imagined and more. The kids were awesome, such troopers!



We left at 8:00 on Tuesday morning and arrived in TX at 8:30. We made a lot of stops and let the kids play whenever we stopped so they could get "ants out of their pants". Our hotel had a King size bed and then a seperate room with a pull out couch. Our room had her pack in play, a fridge and microwave in it as well. Andrew loved it, but being on the fourth floor we had to keep telling him not to stomp!



We then woke up bright and early, ate breakfast downstairs in the lobby that consisted of waffles, danish, juice, and many other yummy things! We went to Sea World our first day, fed the dolphins, saw the falmingos and then off to Shamu. It was awesome, I mean the way the people interacted with them, everything was breathtaking. You do a little shout out of Shamu, Shamu...so that was said by Andrew throughout the entire trip. Andrew loved it and could not believe how big he was and Kaitlyn squealed and clapped everytime he jumped up! Then we ate lunch, walked around some more and saw the SeaLion/Seal show. That was Andrew's favorite because there was a story plot and the seals were really funny. We went "home" for the day, but not without a stop to Walmart..don't think I have been a vacation yet where Walmart was not part of the equation! We ate dinner at the riverwalk and walked around the mall, then went to the hotel for bed!

Next morning started out the same, and went and fed the dolphins again and saw the sharks...holy cow! The tank was massive, 300,000 gallons with salt water fish all in it...the lady there said every kid walked up going look there is Dorie and Nemo...I don't think kids Andrew generation will ever know the real names of the fish, I think that they will forever be Nemo and Dorie! We then went and saw the Dolphins, they had people diving from the top of the stadium, swinging, syncronized swimmers, and the whole time Dolphins jumping and swimming! It was a sight to see! Then we went to a water park they have there, and swam and played, Andrew never wanted to leave and I was glad to see Kaitlyn having fun in it, it was her first experience in something like that! Unfortunately we had to leave then, we stopped by the gift shop and bought a t-shirt and stuffed animal for each kid, and said goodbye to Sea World. We had a wonderful time and I can't wait to do something like that again!

The rest of our trip was even more fun, if it is possible, we met with family and saw Jordan graduate. I will post more on that later! Enjoy the pics and thanks for taking time to read about our trip!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Something ends, something begins...

Well today was the last day for our school year at SHBC Weekday Preschool. We are going this summer, but it was the last school day of the regular year. Not only that, but it was our last day ever.

In August Andrew will start at Jenks West in the K4 program. He will only be going for 2 1/2 hours, but those hours are going to be without me, in surroundings that I have no control over, and people who will be part of his everyday life..and I have no idea who they are. He has been going to our church for his school, off and on his whole life. In fact, I was teaching there when I was pregnant with him. After he was born, I finished the year (2005), took some time off and then when he was one and a half I enrolled him again (2006). This time I was working at the Grand while he went there, but I knew everyone who worked at school. Then after a year of him going and me working somewhere else, I quit the Grand and started work there full time (2007). But little did I know, I became pregnant with Miss Kaitlyn. So in April (2008) stopped working and didn't go back to work until January (2009) to keep myself busy since mom passed. So he has been going full time for three years. Not only that but he spends the majority of the week with his friends at school, because they are with him on Wednesdays and Sundays as well. Now next year I am going to have to drop him off to a teacher I don't know, with kids I have never met, nor does he know them. I don't like that at all. Ke kept asking, so will Grant be at my new school...will Hayden....or are they changing churches too? (He is having a difficult time deferring between what is school and what is church. He thinks that b/c he is going to a new school, we are going to a new church as well :)). It breaks my heart that everything that he knows and is familiar with will be taken away from him. Although I know that it is for the absolute best and he is going to have the time of his life, I know that it is going to be scary for him, and that makes me so sad...the momma bear in me wants to keep him held up in the house and play forever with him. Ya know?

I wonder as I write this if this is what God feels for us. I mean God loves me 10,000,000,000,000 more times than I love Andrew. Andrew might be afraid and not like what is going on, but I know in the long run it will be good for him and he will be alright. Just like when we don't know what is going on, and don't like what we are experiencing, God does and He knows it is for His best. That is why He wants us to be patient, to trust Him, because He is never going to lead us astray, never going to take us down the wrong path, never do anything to hurt or harm us (Jer. 29:11). Just like I would never put Andrew in harms way, why in God's ultimate love for us would He put us in harms way. Which in turn I can say without doubt that He would never put Andrew in harms way or leave or dessert Him. So even though I am not there, God is. I am so glad that God is in charge of me and my life, I would be lost without Him. You know, nothing has taught me more about my Father's love for me than becoming a parent myself. I know how we would do anything for our children, but look at what at all He does for us!

So as sad as I am about everything, I am covering Andrew with prayers, trusting my child with His heavenly Father, and looking forward to the future with a smile on my face...but I am sure with tears on my face as well!

Here are some pics of Andrew on the first days of school the past three years. Wow, doesn't time fly?

1 1/2 (Aug. 2006)

2 1/2 (Aug. 2007)

3 1/2 (Aug. 2008)

On another note, thank you for your thoughts and prayers on Mother's Day, the actual day wasn't hard because I made it about me being a mom, but the week leading up to it was hard. I missed celebrating my mom on Earth, I missed buying her a card, I missed having a mom to celebrate Mother's Day for...but through the hurt and the sadness I still stand in God's love, His grace and His blessings for my life! Last Friday was six months and I want to thank you all for everything, for reading, for commenting, for being there for me before she passed, when she passed and after she went home. I couldn't have made it through these six months without your friendship, understanding and prayers. You are truly a blessing from our Father! Love to you all!

Kaitlyn Michelle turns one!

Is it is possible that a year as passed before I welcomed my daughter into this world?! I cannot believe it! I know that a lot has happened, but it still seems impossible that she is already a year old. Amazing!

Her birthday was Friday, April 24th...what a fun day! We went out with Molly and Grant to buy some things for school. We ate in the food court and all had ice cream and sang Happy Birthday to Kaitlyn. We then met Daddy at Zio's and ate a fun birthday dinner. By the time we got home, both kids were asleep. When Kaitlyn finally woke up, she was hot and tired and these were the only half way decent pic I got of her that day!

Her little bloomers were so cute, so had to get a pic of those!

Sunday then was the big day! It started out with her dedication at church! She was the belle of the ball! She was held and carried around by Pastor Hess as he explained the meaning of her name. I will post pics and details in a later post (thank you Sarah for taking those pics!). Here is a glimpse of her in her dress!

We then ate at Red Lobster with Grammy, Ponca, Papa, Allison, Daddy, Mommy and brother . Then we headed home for cake and presents. Words cannot describe how she attacked her cake! She got a Fisher Price doll house, a Dora ride on, some puzzles, clothes, a Fisher Price mailbox, and many more gifts..pink seriously exploded in our house! It was a precious day that I know that mom was smiling down on! We loved spending time with family and friends in honor of our precious angel!

Kaitlyn, you smile at everyone, laugh at some, especially your brother, you love dolls, and your sleep (better not interupt it). You favorite thing to do is open and shut things, you squeal with delight when the cat comes in the room, you LOVE to eat you have refused no food, you love your baths. There isn't much you don't like, but you don't like someone telling you no..in fact you act very indignant that someone would have the nerve to tell you that! You are a joy and a blessing, and I love waking up to your smile every morning and cannot wait to see what God has planned for your life!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Our Cardboard Testimonies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbk7TY_4d2U

This is the link of our church's cardboard testimonies...that is me the first one. I had my hair straightened the day before, and cut...so I don't look like myself. Sorry about the sound quality..our Worship Minister Jesse is an amazing singer, but the sound is stinky. Going up there and telling everyone was hard, but I want people to trsut God no matter what...although it is so hard at times!

Love you all and hope you are all well. An update on Kaitlyn: they came and did a test and found that she has fluid in her ears and that may be contributing to the fact that she is only crawling. So we are going to see the peditriction and then off to our ENT! Fun! Keep praying that she will try to pull up and cruise soon...at least now she is crawling...in fact she is in the cat's bowl as we speak! Gotta go!

Easter 2009

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

God's promises

After a brief downpour I was driving and found this rainbow. It was perfect and beautiful, just like God's promises.

He gave Noah a rainbow to promise there would be no more flooding and there hasn't been. He has not lied. Ever.

He promises to never leave us, nor forsake us. And He hasn't. Ever.

Easter was delightful, Kaitlyn was beautiful, Andrew loved getting eggs. But there was something missing. My mom. She wasn't there to kiss on Kaitlyn, draw cute pics on the kids' cards, eat my choclate. You know why?

She was praising the Savior in person for His glorious ressurection. She is experiencing His promises. WOW! I mean think about it, my mom has seen GOD's face. I cannot believe it sometimes, in fact that was thrown in my face this season.

I was doing great, I was at peace that she was gone, I was living my life. And then...I was thinking that she is in heaven and with all of the magnificence that entails, she is not here. And sometimes I am mad. Not at God, cause I remember His promises, but that she is not with me. That makes me mad! What makes me madder is when I get upset about it and it disrupts my life. I am happy, I am joyful, I don't want to be mad, but it is there all the same.

So what do I do, do I stay there? For a little while, but then I remember His promises..His will is perfect, we will see her again, and all things work together for good that love the Lord. I will stand on those promises, and glorify God with my mom.

I hope everyone had a precious Easter season, I know I did. Thank you for stopping by!

Oh, and one more important promise...an update on Kaitlyn. Sooner Start came today, she did not qualify but is only in the nine month range for motor skills (based mostly on her gross motor skills). They really couldn't understand why she wasn't pulling up, cruising, or even up on her knees. So they put her knees to see if she would crawl, put her on her tummy to see if she would army crawl and all she would do is go back to her bottom. Stubborn girl. They did recommend that a PT come and observe her and evaluate her for a day and see if they can give me some pointers. Then they left, she took a nap, and guess what!? She woke up and got on her knees and started crawling. Not a lot, but enough to get her about 3 feet! Praise God!! She even started army crawling as well! I think soon I am going to be wishing she wasn't as mobile...nah!! Thank you for your prayers!

Pay it forward

Okey dokey, I have seen this around and since my love language is gifts and words of affermation, I am excited to do this.

I will send a hand made gift to the first three people who leave a comment on this post requesting to join the PIF exchange. All the gifts will be made and sent out sometime soon within the year. How exciting to not know when your surprise package will arrive. What you need to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. This exchange is only open to those with active websites or blogs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO POST THIS SAME 'PAY IT FORWARD' MESSAGE ON YOUR BLOG, WHICH MUST BE ACTIVE IN ORDER TO PLAY. YOU WILL PAY IT FORWARD TO THREE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG. Recap: The first three people who comment, commit to the PIF thing. The gifts are supposed to be hand made. I know a lot of you are probably thinking that you can't get in on it because you aren't "crafty" enough. If you really want in on it but don't find yourself crafty enough, I am sure it would be okay to support someone you know that has a handmade crafty kind of business. Buy a gift from them.

Got it?

So hurry and be one of the top 3 so you can get a "sussie"

I am so excited to pass this on to my blogging friends! Take care and have a blessed day!

Lovin' this weather!

This week was Spring Break and although I am not teaching anymore, and the kids aren't in school full time I thought it wouldn't be any big deal. But not having to wake up two mornings this week and have to go somewhere has been a nice break!

Thankfully the first three days were beautiful and we have spent A LOT of time outside! We have some wonderful neighbors on either side and across the street that all have kids. The neighbors to the left of us, the mom and have become very close. We are the same age, but her kids are older than mine. In fact when we moved in, her youngest was younger than Andrew is now. That is hard to believe. The neighbors on the right have a son who just turned three, and a baby six weeks younger than Kaitlyn. We also have kids the same age as Andrew across the street, so we all where outside playing the other day and had a blast. Andrew began riding his big boy bike he got from Santa and went so far and had so fun. At first he was going slow, but by the end was really going fast...now we just need to learn to steer!! :)

Andrew had is four year check-up and Kaitlyn had her nine month check-up..a little late. Andrew is right on track, took his hearing and vision tests and did great. He had to get four shots...and that was hard on me. He hadn't one where he was old enough to know what was going on, and he just was crying and asking to go home...it was hard on me. He did not let me take the band-aids off, they had to fall off and wouldn't sit in the tub until they did...drama--wonder where he gets it. Kaitlyn got two shots, but the Dr. is slightly concerned that she is not crawling or pulling up so we are going to have Sooner Start out to evaluate her. I am sure that it is nothing, but everyone knows Satan and the things he can do. I had a wonderful Bible Study the other night though and was encouraged and loved.

Here are some pics of us enjoying the great outdoors, hope everything is going well, love to you all!

My precious angel!!

Jordan, Michael and Andrew playing football

Where did all the time go? Oh, BTW, I know that he does not have his helmet on, but it got too small from when we first bought it...and I was next to him the whole time.

She loved watching her big brother!

Playing golf at Grammy's

Here is a video of my little rider!

Where joy and sorrow meet

I wish I had come up with this phrase, but my good friend Molly was thinking of a song that they sing in Singing Churchwomen. This describes what some precious friends have been going through lately.


This past week I had some friends bring home a baby girl, but bury a baby boy. sorrow I had some friends have a baby boy and baby girl JOY I had some sick kids on my hands sorrow They are now feeling better JOY I miss talking to my mom horribly sorrow She is in heaven and always here for me to talk to JOY Our friends burried their seven year old son sorrow They are finding God in all aspects JOY I just read on a "blogger friend" blog that a baby she had planned and loved and waited to adopt, the birth mom decided to keep her baby. sorrow Wonderful study on Fireproof the movie and One on One. JOY



And all of that has been this past week! The Bible is full of verses that talk about joy and sorrow.



Romans 11:12-13 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.



1 Thessalonians 16-17 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.



What does this mean, is this "Just life"? Yes and no. Yes, things like this happen in life, but as Christians our sorrow doesn't define us. The scripture speaks about finding God's will in the sorrow, keep praying and allow God's joy to overcome you. We can know that God is love, He loves us, and that is where we find our joy. I know I have blogged about this a lot lately, but I feel so heavy for friends that are being afflicted. We need to pray for one another, love one another and encourage one another.



And bottom line, know that without a doubt God will overcome and in our sorrow, he will meet us with His joy.



My biggest source of joy:

My 10 month old!

I am finally posting about my little girl! She is an absolute joy. She is the smiley baby and smiles at everything and everyone. I am so in love with this girl! She is very snuggly and loves to be center of attention and is very verbal..wonder where she gets all that? She is eating very well, is in a big girl car seat and loves taking baths with her brother. Her new things are to wave bye-bye and we do start them young in our house because if you say touchdown, she holds her hands up above her head! The young lady she is with in one of the pics is our babysitter and very good friend, Allison! Easy name to remember. The baby she is with is her bff Harper, my bff Carri's little girl. They are about 2 months apart in age. Harper just turned one...and it will be Kaitlyn's turn soon! Amazing. Again, she is a joy...sorry it has taken so long to post about my precious girl!

Mason Carter Noah Nance

Our dear friends, MaryBeth and Jason Nance lost their son last week suddenly. He was seven, was going to be eight in April. He has an two older sisters, Jenny who is 12 and Michaela who preceded him in death in 95, who was stillborn. He was an absolute delight to know and to be around. We missed out on the oppurtunity to see him very much since we live so far apart, but the time we were together he was full of life and joy. The comments I have read talked about his presence, his joy and his laughter. He loved sports, baseball especially. Every picture I saw of him was with this amazing huge smile and twinkle in his eye that boyish mischief was just around the corner. We got to hold him when he was only months old and the joy of being his godparents. The world no longer has a shining light, but heaven has an AMAZING angel. What a blessing Mason was in this world, what an impact he made in his short little life. We love you Mas, and can't to see you soon!!

God is my strong tower

My heart is a little heavy tonight. Since everything with my mom, I have become a "blog stalker". Here are people that I have never met and now some of them are my friends on Facebook, and I talk about them like I know them! They have become a part of my life, but through all of these blogs I have been encouraged in my grief, inspired by their dedication and love to God, and uplifted by their stories. There are several links to those blogs in my sidebar, please check some of them when you have a chance. Kelly's story has a FANTASTIC ending, and Jenna's baby is doing so well. And then of course, Angie whose story has touched lives all over theh world!

Some not so well, there was a little girl Cora who three weeks ago was diagnosed with cancer, and is now with the Lord. She was only 10 months old. I was devastated. Just the day before she survived a surgery, and now she is dancing with Jesus. It doesn't seem fair, nor right. Of course, way too young. She and Kaitlyn were only weeks apart. I guess that is why it has really hit close to home. I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW that God is going to do something good from this, I KNOW He is. Her parents love Him and He promises to work all things good for those who love the Lord. This situation is the absolute farthest from good, but God will create something good and will meet their needs, for their lives will never be the same.

I guess this death brings fear out of me again. I am thinking, okay God I have conquered the fear about my mom, but please don't take my little girl, so then I am fearful all over again! It has made me hug my sweet precious one a little closer. I look back too and think, oh my goodness, she is already this old, have I taken enough pics, written enough down, and her baby book, it has even begun!

So all of this to say, refer to last post! I was rereading it and I have to remember, don't have peace in abstract things, but in the fact that the will of God (even though we don't even come close to understanding it) knows better than we. And when all of the whys come up, we stand on what we KNOW, not on what we FEEL.

Another reason for my sadness is that this Wednesday marks one year since Lauren's death. Lauren was a magnificent youth in our church who would babysit Andrew. She was on her way home after picking something up from her dad's office with her brother and lost control of her car. It was devestating and our youth are still realing from it. Please be in prayer for them, for her parents and her brothers. The family is all so completely dear, and very close to us. In fact, Kaitlyn's middle name Michelle is after Lauren. The boy Colton I have asked prayer for is in the same class that Lauren was, so please pray for the class as they are dealing with everything. (BTW, Colton is doing very well).

Sorry for the long, sad post, but it feels so good to share this with others. Please know that through this fear (which I know is from Satan), this saddness I still see God's magnificent glory, His unending love and His hand upon all of us. Tomorrow will be a new day and new time to see his Glory shine in new and amazing ways!

I love you all and thank you for walking this journey together!

If God loved me, then...

With this month being the "month of love" I started to think about God's love for us. Now I know that that is a MASSIVE subject that could be an entire course in seminary if needed be, but I wanted to cover just one subject. It being, if God loved me why didn't He...(fill in the blank). Isn't funny that at times in order for us to love and follow God, things have to be a certain way? But God has ABSOLUTELY no conditions, He loves us where are, He loves us b/c of the way we are! For example, when my mom was first diagnosed I told God that I would never talk to Him again if He didn't save my mom, but as her death came near I realized that I could not survive without God, and in a tearful prayer begged Him to keep from bitterness.

I met with a dear friend of mine who has experienced a loss in her life and we were talking about how sometimes people who pray for healing, or for someone who is ill thinks, "well God is loving and kind so of course He is going to heal this person". Well, we then talked about, why do some people die? Why did my mom die? Or this little three year old I found in the blogging world, or little boy of someone I found in the blogging world. Did God just not listen to those parent's/child's prayers? Did He not love them enough? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Think about these things:

1. God can see the bigger picture. He could see that a bigger purpose was going to be taking place than just these deaths. That people could be saved, or things that we don't even see could happen due to these untimely deaths. Also, His purpose had been complete in these lives. Weird I know since some of them were only children, but they had been complete.
2. Do you think that God didn't love His Son, heck no! He loved Him more than anything, but He knew His death would bring eternal salvation and although it pained Him more than anything, He allowed it to happen to allow his perfect plan to happen.
3. Everything on this life is a drop into the water compared to heaven. We are here on Earth to learn more about Him, and spread His word to others who don't know Him so we can all go to heaven. This is just a gateway to our Eternal life!

Which leads me to my last thought. Why does God save others like serial killers and allow my mom to die an early death? Well, these killers need to know Jesus, and be saved. Wouldn't you want them to have an oppurtunity to be saved than to die not knowing Jesus? My mom knew Jesus, loved Jesus and was ready to go home, these others aren't. So God is going to wait to take them so they can be saved.

So in this season of love, remember God DOES love us, and has a perfect plan for all our lives, we just need to accept it without conditions.

Love to you all!!!!!

What is your testimony?

Last week I gave a devotion at an Upwards basketball game (so cute to watch by the way). As I was preparing to say, God put something on my heart, something I really wasn't in the mood to talk about. Joy. I have been really trying to choose joy over saddness. Last week marked two months and I guess the adrinalin of everything has worn off and the reality has set in. The "have to live everyday without my mom" has set in. I was talking to someone today and I was saying how I have to have a new idenity, and that all of my insecurities are coming back. I don't have that "if everyone in the world turns their back on me, I still have my mom" in my life anymore. That makes me feel so alone. It makes me want to give up, throw in the towel and say no more! But...I am trying to choose joy,
choose life,
choose smiling when I want to cry
choose getting up, making my bed and face the day
because I KNOW that I am loved by a God who is with me now, tomorrow and is the same the whole time. So I choose joy, to honor God by being a living testimony to Him. By shining His love, grace to others. Please pray for me. I love you all and appreciate this venue to share my heart, I hope you don't mind.

My friend Mandi had this on her blog and it really stirred me, I hope you enjoy it. My cardboard would read:

Couldn't trust God
Living in peace through His perfect will

copy and paste in your address bar: (couldn't get the link to work)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ&feature=related

I have been tagged

David's wonderful aunt..who happens to now be one of my dear friends :)...tagged me. You are supposed to go to your fourth folder you keep your pics in, and find the fourth photo and talk about it. Soo......

I love this photo, Kaitlyn was less than an hour old..look at those cheeks! When I first looked at her, I thought..didn't I do give birth to this baby before?! Kaitlyn looked exactly like her brother, in fact our peditrician always comments how they look alike. This was a wonderful moment, a moment I will remember forever, the moment I looked into my daughter's eyes and knew we would have such a special mother/daughter relationship. I had always wanted a girl, to dress up, to love, to talk with, and I got her. I look at her every day and can't believe she is mine. I am so glad to be a mommy of a girl! I love this girl, in fact in a couple of weeks I get to post about my nine month old. I had to take her into the doctor b/c she had some pimples and I wanted the Dr. to look at it, and she weighed 18 pounds already. How time flies!

Okay, now I am to tag four friends. I tag Molly, Leanne, Krystal and Carri. Remember, go to your fourth folder and choose your fourth folder. Love to you all!!!

Change is going on in our house!``

Hello friends, well I have some big news...no I am not pregnant (hopefully we are done with that), after ten years at the same company, David gave his resignation yeseterday! He has been an auditor with Deloitte and Touche and has made it up all the way to senior manager. We have been praying what to do about his job. He was asked if we wanted to move to Houston since he was working on a client down there, to eventually become partner, but we didn't think the timing was right. I am glad we didn't b/c it was right before mom got sick. So we kept praying that we would know what to do, and one day a person from BOK called and said that there is a job opening and would he like to come in for an interview. See, the CFO is a good friend of ours at our church and was curious to see if David would be interested. He sent his resume in just out of curiosity, and three months, three interviews later..here we are! David is now an employee at BOK. We are excited about this move, but it is change, and change is always hard, but God has had His hand in it the whole time, so we know it is from Him, and He will direct our paths. Please pray for us as we do make this transition, and pray for David as he leaves friends and coworkers that he has known for 10 years and starts out in something completely new.

I do want to take this time to brag on my husband...David Allen Stephens (who just turned 33 last week..we are the same age for 5 months!) is the most hard-working, dedicated man I know. He wakes up at 5:00 so I can be at work at 6:30, so he can be home by 7:00 to see his family. When he is faced with a challenge, he rises to the occasion and meets it head on. When he works for you expect 100%, because that is what you are going to get, no middle ground for him. After working all day, he comes home and helps out at home. Daddy is king at our house, Kaitlyn glows when he walks in the room and the first thing out of Andrew's mouth every day is where is Daddy. He also is a wonderful husband, and my best friend. I love him more than life itself and don't know where I would be without him. Most importantly, He loves His God and serves Him daily. He is a walking testimony of trusting Him with all things and knowing that He is going to meet us right where are, we just have to be still and know he is coming. David is a quiet man, but when you get him alone, he is hysterical. I am so proud of him and all he has worked for, and it is my biggest blessing in life to be called Mrs. David Stephens.

A year in review

This is a picture year in review of our home! Hope you enjoy, take care! Be sure and pause my music before you open the link!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Just saying hi!

Just wanted to say hello and say that the first 4 days of 2009 have gone well. My dad is officially moved in, and it is going well, I think that it is helping him with people around, especially Andrew who is his biggest fan! I just hope he doesn't smother him too much..it gets rowdy around here! I am glad he is here, I think that this is going to be a good transisiton until he gets into his own place. I love him so much! Yeah Daddy! (I truly am daddy's little girl).

Other notes, I have decided that instead of resolutions, I am going to do goals. I was leary of sharing them, but my friend Krystal inspired me, so you can help stay focused and on track.

1. I am going to choose JOY!!! "This day I put on the garment of praise in exchange for the spirit of heaviness, and I glorify You as Lord of all." (Thank you Tracy!)

2. I am going to follow my routines! If you don't know FlyLady, click on her link..I love her, she helps me stay out of CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)

3. Memorize scripture, by taking time for God each day. I love my God and I believe that He has taken me down these paths to draw me closer to him, b/c without Him I would be a crumbling, mound of crying mess. I need to be close to Him so I can survive, He is my lifeline!

4. Focusing each day to be the wife, mommy, friend and daughter (in-law) that GOD wants me to be, not what the world is telling me I should be.

As I am looking back on these, they are all intwined. I can't follow my routines, without focusing on being a good mommy and wife and I can't do that without focusing on God and I can't find joy if everything else isn't done.

So, that is it in a nutshell! BTW, we have a mover on our hands, just tonight my little angel realized she can roll from one place to another to get somewhere...a whole new world!

Love to you all!