Seriously!

I am taking my favorite phrase from my favorite hospital show because of all of the medical drama going on in our lives right now!



First, over the past year David has had abdominal issues and has had a scope, CT, ultrasound and colonoscopy. Everything has come out okay except to show he had a little diverticulitis. Over Spring Break he had a follow up ultrasound, very routine. Well it came up showing something on his liver. So over the next couple of weeks we spent in prayer and trying our best to give over our worries and anxities to the Lord. We had our sweet friends praying for us, and praying over us at our Bible Study. All I could tell the Lord was please don't take away the love of my life, my best friend. I already lost my mom, I can't loose my husband too. I feel as though we grew during that time as a couple, our priorities shifted and our goals to grow our children in the light of God's love was emphasized. Well they did another CT scan and found out that it is a hematoma, a collection of blood vessels on his liver that is nothing. PRAISE THE LORD!! Well that was Thursday the first...



I had been having pain going up and down my adomon for a couple of weeks that was keeping me up at night. I thought I was just adjusting after having the baby and didn't think anything of it. At 1:30 Easter morning I had an attack and it never stopped. David went to church and came back and it was still there, and I was throwing up. So my dad went to Collinsville with the kids and David and I went to the ER. AFter waiting forever in pain, she thought for sure it was my gallbladder and ordered an ultrasound for the next day. I don't know why we couldn't do it there, but we couldn't. So she gave me pain pills and anti nausea pills and sent me home. Monday I went and got the ultrasound (thank you Liz and Michelle for taking care of my kids :) ) and then the run around with the medical field began. We went to the ER at St Francis south, so the ultrasound had to be done at St. Francis, but my dr is with St. John, so I called St. Francis ER to see if I had to go back there, and they said no go to my PCP and in fact they just sent over my ultrasound. So I called my PCP and said I was in pain, had an ultrasound and really needed to see him today, well the lady told me to stop "bugging her, she understood what I was saying"...uh okay! She said she could get me in thirty minutes, so on our way we went. At this point I don't think I would have gone in to see the dr that day if I hadn't called, so people always be your own advocate...anyways I got to the Dr and he read the ER doctor's report and based on my symtoms he knew it was my gallbladder and did a STAT on a refferal to a surgeon. But guess what, still didn't have the ultrasound!!! So I went to the surgeon at 4:00 on Tuesday, and when we got there and filled out more paper work, we saw the surgeon and he was nice and I really liked him, but HE DIDN'T HAVE THE ULTRASOUND, so they had to do their own!!! UGH! Well he took one look at it and wanted it out right away, sent us home and told me I couldn't eat, which was fine because I didn't have an appitite anyway and was told I would have surgery at 3:00 the next day. Well we go to the hospital and I guess it was scheduled so late I wasn't on the schedule, so we had to wait. Then once the ball got rolling, it really got rolling because he upped my surgery to 12:30. So I was wheeled away into the room and don't remember going to sleep, but remember waking up and wanting pain meds...then we went home..don't really remember that either.

So now I am recovering at home, the incision had to be bigger than usual because of the state of it, and that it was nasty and glad he got it out. I am in pain, but it is getting better. I am praying I heal quickly, it has been a lot, first being pregnant, then recovering, now recovering more. Matthew is smiling all over the place and I want to enjoy it, I want to hold my kids and play with them. I am frustrated with where I am right now, I wanted to be done with this, start living my life again, but there is a reason why this is happening, so I am going to use this time to spend with my Lord and relax because I won't be able to for a long time!

I hope that this made sense, i am pretty out of it...

Thanks for your prayers!

Yes I did have a baby!

I have been wanting and wanting and wanting to post about my angel from above, but finding time to get on the computer with three kids is insane! So five weeks later here I am!

Matthew Aaron Stephens was born

Wednesday, Feburary 17, 2010

7pds 8oz

I had a fast and furious labor, which just confirmed to me that this is it! He was having issues crying like Andrew did so they observed him for awhile, but he was fine. He almost jaundiced, but recovered very nicely. He is also my best nurser and is now close to nine pounds! I was very excited about breast feeding I could not with my other two, and even though we have had our ups and downs, it is going very nicely. He is such a sweet baby, such a blessing, after being "surprised" by him, I absolutely could not imagine my life without him. I love him so much!

God is so good. He gave me a peace that only He could when Matthew was born. Even though my mom has not held the baby here on Earth, she is here. I felt her in the delievry room and many times since then. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your love...it is so appreciated! More than you ever will know. I have such a support group, such a core group of friends, over the internet and in person, I don't know what I would do without any of you.

My camera battery is dead right now and when I charge it I will post more...

Happy Birthday Momma!

Today would have been my mom's birthday..she would have been 62...I don't mind telling you because she never had a problem with age. Probably because like me she never felt or acted her age! :)

To remember my mom today I want to smile, not be sad. She was THE funniest person on the planet and LOVED, I MEAN LOVED Seinfeld. She would play this game, how many seconds does it take to name this episode. She quoted them all the time. If there was one thing she loved, it was a good comedy, not a trashy one, but a good honest comedy. She also loved outtakes, she loved when people got so tickled they couldn't stop laughing. So in honor of my wonderful mom I am going to post one of the last Seinfeld episodes with outtakes...also listen to the song, I think it is appropiate as well.

Mom, I love you, I miss you and can't wait to see you again~

Nobody but God

So I have 5 weeks before I hold little boy. We spent the weekend buying carseats (one for baby and one for Andrew), getting the cradle, taking down clothes, and putting together the changing table. Even though these are things that I have wanted to get done and I was glad when they were accomplished, it brought up mixed emotions. Why God? Why am I having this baby and my mom is not here? How am I going to let this precious child know of her wonderfulness, of her love...how? You know how close I was to her, how much we loved taking the kids places together, and now you have left me alone. The whole weekend I just wanted to crawl into a ball and stay in bed. I cried tears in church on Sunday as I fight standing in God's love, His strength and His promises, but feeling anger and bitterness that is constantly there trying to make its ugly prescence known. There are days I don't want to get out of bed and the past two days have been those days, but I know how better I feel when I get out, so out I went.

This morning was MOPS, and as I am fighting off very real dreams about my mom, I get ready. Andrew is fighing me, Kaitlyn is being drama, but by golly I am going! So I get there, put a smile on my face and check in. The girl that checked me in, who I see all the time asked me if my mom was Dena Bonner. I said yes, she said she was her student at Grove and because of her she became a teacher. Okay, more tears, but good tears this time, because I get to remember all the kids she did inspire. Then we go in and there is a panel where are asking questions and this sweet girl asks how do we tell our kids about heaven. I was able to add something that was said and as I was talking realized she was really upset. My friends told me that she just lost her mom right before Christmas.

Wow.

I don't know if what I said helped her or ministered to her in anyway, but it ministered to me. It told me, that through my pain and my grief and my questioning, that God is in control. Period. End of sentence. I can question this until I am blue in the face, but God knows why and if it is His will He is going to reveal it to me, otherwise, keep trusting Him. He is going to meet me every step of the way, even at my lowest point, He will be there. Always.

I just had to share that with you, and put it down in words so I can go back and reread it to keep reminding myself that God does care, He does love, there is a purpose and I am going to be welcoming a new little one in 5 weeks with many people to love him here on Earth AND in Heaven!

Blizzard 2009

Here are some pics of my 3 favorite people in the world playing in the snow. Andrew ran and dove in the minute he hit the snow. My precious girl stayed on the ramp and watched and then Daddy walked her over. She was fine if she stayed where she was and her hands didn't get cold, you will notice that she keeps looking down at them!

When viewing it, click on the pics and you can get a bigger view of them. Enjoy!

Make a Smilebox photobook

Kaitlyn Michelle Stephens

This girl is the light of my life. She has a smile that could light up a room and at 20 months is at my favorite stage. She is "talking", but does repeat things we say. She does say shoes, bye-bye, night-night, mimi(passy), mommy, daddy, papa, grammy, bubba. Her favorite person in this world is her bubba. She usually takes a nap while he is at school and when I go in and get her, I say, "Let's go get bubba" and off to the door she goes. Then when she sees him in line, she squeals, and squeals! She loves shoes and loves to take mine out of the closet and line them up. She also loves animals, especially puppies.

The first week in December she broke her elbow! She was trying to climb up on the couch with us, lost her balance and "landed just right" on her elbow. We took her into the Pediatric Urgent Care and they did an x-ray and put it in a sling. If you even looked at, she would cringe and cry. The minute she had the sling on though she was off and running. She even tried to climb up the couch again when we got home! The next day we went to the Orthepedic and they put a full arm bright pink cast on her! She wore it for three weeks...she was a trooper. For the first week the she did not use that arm at all, but after awhile realized she could use her fingers and started holding things with the broken arm.

That night in her sling!

Then right before Christmas she had a big week! She got the cast off! Yeah and then she got her cut! A lot for a 1 1/2 year old! When the cast came off, she cried so sad. The saw scared her and it was loud. I did video it to remember by, but when I watched it I cried to see her so upset. She has had it off for awhile now and she is still my little climber.

Here is a slideshow of that week, enjoy!

Make a Smilebox collage

Kaitlyn, you are my joy. Thank you for your laughter, for your smiles, hugs and kisses. Thank you for getting so excited when you see someone you love. We are the only girls, so we are going to have so much fun together doing girly things...I love you so much!

2010?!

Is it really 2010? Will I really be 35 this year!? That is not cool!

Well, I made it my first full year without my best friend. I did it totally with God's strength. I could not have gotten out of bed on some days without Him. But here I am, the first full year behind me and I am proud of myself. Now this isn't something I want to be excited about, because I wish with all my heart I didn't have to go through it. But at the same time I know I can trust God to take care of me, I can trust Him when everything insides me tells me not to, I can love God and worship God when the world is crashing down around me, and where I have come, that is saying a lot. There was a time I ran from God, said I could not trust Him, and now at my weakest, I trust Him now more than ever. Do I have my bad days, yes! Will I have my bad days? Yes. But I know I can get through it, I can survive, it won't consume me and this coming year I will come out praising our Savior!

This year Andrew will turn 6, Kaitlyn will turn 2 and I will have a little one sleeping in our room. What a year! What a year full of hope, love and peace.

Happy New Year to you, to your family and God bless you all!