2010?!

Is it really 2010? Will I really be 35 this year!? That is not cool!

Well, I made it my first full year without my best friend. I did it totally with God's strength. I could not have gotten out of bed on some days without Him. But here I am, the first full year behind me and I am proud of myself. Now this isn't something I want to be excited about, because I wish with all my heart I didn't have to go through it. But at the same time I know I can trust God to take care of me, I can trust Him when everything insides me tells me not to, I can love God and worship God when the world is crashing down around me, and where I have come, that is saying a lot. There was a time I ran from God, said I could not trust Him, and now at my weakest, I trust Him now more than ever. Do I have my bad days, yes! Will I have my bad days? Yes. But I know I can get through it, I can survive, it won't consume me and this coming year I will come out praising our Savior!

This year Andrew will turn 6, Kaitlyn will turn 2 and I will have a little one sleeping in our room. What a year! What a year full of hope, love and peace.

Happy New Year to you, to your family and God bless you all!

Silver Dollar City lights

Here are some great pics of our family trip to see the lights of Silver Dollar City. It was right before the weekend that marked my mom's passing. I really wanted to get away, and do something with my family, so we went to see the lights at Branson, and stayed in my in-law's trailer. We went shopping at the outlet malls, and Branson landing. Then went to Silver Dollar City...we had a wonderful time and David and I were pleasantly suprised that they brought in the real reason for Christmas everywhere we went.

A funny story, during the light parade they have characters come up to you, and Frosty came up to us and Andrew goes, there is a song about you! It was so cute! I love the innocence of youth!

Hope you enjoy the pics!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Learning

I thought that I had tackled everything I was supposed to regarding my mom's death...and in some ways I have, but in some ways I haven't. Especially in regarding the pregnancy. I am counting the days until I see his sweet face, hear his sweet sounds and smell is sweet smells. But, I am going to do it without my mom. Why is God allowing this to happen? I don't know now, I might not ever know, but what I do know is that I can't be strong alone. I have been at peace this past year, and have felt God's strength, but I am going to have to really hold onto his hand like never before. Because there are times where I feel like I have lost my biggest supporter, my biggest fan, the one who understands me the most and at times like that I have to fight the lonliness that overtakes me at times.

One day I was sitting in my car really feeling low when I heard this song come on the radio, and it spoke to me like never before. I have met Josh, for he married our pastor's daughter, but this really spoke to me that day in the car, and I continue to listen to it, draw from it's truths and draw from the verse:

Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you...Jer 29:11

Here are the words:

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me


Have an amazing day, and continue to draw from His strength!

Camping with friends

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

We were able to get away with some friends at Mal Var in Gore, OK. We made some wonderful memories and had TONS of fun! Thanks Shonda, Clay and Quinn for being such good bunk mates!!

Hope you are all doing well...we go in Tuesday for our BIG ultrasound, pray for a success and Baby boy is doing well! I will keep you updated!!

Finally Cooperated!

Well our little one finally cooperated!! I went to the OBGYN this morning and asked for a sneak peak before our big ultrasound next week..and he said yes...so..what is it....

A BOY!!!

I am very excited. I was for sure it was a girl at the beginning, but my nauseousness went away at the same time as Andrew, so then started thinking it was a boy..and I was right. To me this will mean no fighting over clothes, or friends or two girls to get ready in the morning...so we are pleased. I am hoping that everything goes well and in two weeks when we have our detailed ultrasound the baby looks great. The more I am pregnant, the more excited I am getting...wow who would have thought we would have had three kids...oh yeah--GOD! Thanks for your prayers and keep on praying..love you all!

Wow!

Well this blog written my MckMama could not have come at a more timely in life. So I had to post it. I have not posted in a while because things have been crazy. There has been illness, tiredness, busyness, crankiness, etc. I have been literally OVERWHELMED!!! But through it all, God has been faithful and even though I feel like I let Him down, He is holding on to my hand so hard so I can't let go...even if I wanted to :)...so I because I wish I could write as well as her, here is how I feel.

On days when the squabbling, bickering, yelling and whining threaten to overwhelm me; on days when the Cheerio crumbs between my toes and the fingerprints on the windows make my head spin; on days when the incessant questions, diaper changes and maddening repetitiveness of toddler activities send me almost bonkers; on days when I haven't the energy to change out of my pajamas or clip my fingernails, much less anyone else's; on days when I want to bang my head against the wall, or better yet to run away; on days when I wonder what in tarnation we were thinking when we had (two + one on the way) children so close in age; on days when no one will leave me alone; on days like that, it is the sweet small moment in time that flutters in, the genuine little glimpse of goodness that arrives, if only fleetingly, which, like a flash in the pan, makes a bright but brief appearance and serves to gently remind me before it's gone that...

...there is a reason why I do what I do! :)

Because at the end of the day I am raising children for the Father, and they are the joy of my life and everyday do something else that makes me love them more and more. And this little one on the way...even though we still don't know where he/she is going to go, how we are going to afford him/her...this little one is going to add joy to our lives.

Thank you again for allowing me to be real, I am realizing that it is okay to be real..that no one is perfect and we are all in this together..that no one is going to think I am a horrible mom and never speak to me again (yes these are thoughts that go through my head :) ).

If you could also pray...the year markers are coming up. It has been a year since my mom was diagnosed and everything began to go downhill. My dad has a job, but is still living with us, please pray fors that transition and continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy...take care and blessings to you all!

Well...it happened

My baby started school!

Um, can I just ask when this happened? When did this baby,

become this little boy?

Not only have we started school, but we are realizing harsh realities of life, like the world doesn't revolove around him and oh my goodness, I don't always get what I want and I have to do things I don't really want to do. So many hard lessons at such a young age!

Seriously though, I am trying hard to be consistent, loving, Godly and most of all patient...who said that parenting is easy though right! I am still waiting for that owners manual to come in the mail. :)

Love to you all as we start this new adventure in life!

Oh one more thing...my baby baby is walking everywhere! She is so big, 16 months next week...time please slow down!!!!